I need to thank a midnight mouse. Yesterday I tempted fate. I was thinking how wonderful it is to have the farmhouse sealed so I no longer have to separate a cat bent on mouse murder while trying to catch her squeaking target. Then, of course, in the middle of the night, yep the race was on again! All the positive, cozy energy felt snatched away with a squeak! I was really bummed. The universe had messed with my cocoon.
You know how when you begin to step up in your life more new things continue to be offered for you to learn? Life’s a very large lazy susan that keeps spinning to offer more…and as it circles back around it offers extra opportunities to deal with things previously allowed to pass by. Like most people, I love the positive, warm, fuzzy feelings that make me purr with contentment. I now see trying to hold on to these causes me to skew my life. I circle the wagons and struggle to keep this magic in and all those negative things the world can drop on me out. These wagons of defense are different and are built to defend different areas. Their jobs range from struggles for control, erecting oversized boundaries, denying what I want for fear of then losing it and another, crouching low and hoping insignificance will let me pass unnoticed.
This morning “wait a minute I’m not living I am defending,” popped into my mind….realization tumbled close behind. I now have my answer for the positive/negative tug-of-war that has yanked me back and forth for years. I see that I begin this combat each time with a thought…the deciding of what the label should be.
A thought, being very self important in the belief that it’s all there is, closes the door on any other way of handling the emotions stirred up by such loaded labels. So now when I assign those positive/negative, good/bad labels and run for the ring of wagons, I will remind myself they aren’t absolutes they are mine alone…not universal.
After all of this morning’s musing what I FINALLY see is what my mind calls positive asks nothing of me but to enjoy. Phew, this I love! What It calls negative is something quite different. Yes it may be difficult…it may feel like a door has just been slammed in my face, but I don’t have to stare bleakly at that door… I can reach for the knob knowing inside of me is all I need to STEP UP and move forward. It may ask something small or much of me but it gifts me with knowing by stepping up a whole world, free of barricades can be open to me.