Awake in the pause point of the night… my eyes are wide and straining for a cue to what is next…a hollow shell rocking side to side in an unwelcoming bed. Weary I rise to bear witness, in a show of solidarity, with all the others that this night, dull eyed stare into the void… to out wait our abandonment. Yesterday has faded and today is still abed. We have outpaced our cues to what comes next.
Across a great chasm a candle and it’s fawning shadows dance, the only movement. Self important it’s flame bobs and weaves… semaphoring nothing. How strange to sit and observe in this darkened theater as the mind struggles to attach meaning to a void while emotions wait anxiously just off stage.
A glimmer of understanding begins to grow. This is what life without the well rehearsed “me” is like. This is the pause place where choice resides. A new day can begin where yesterday left off, full of the same tired lines or I can choose to see that what seems a void is really potential waiting in the wings to be crafted into a unique, new day. Potential doesn’t allow the cue cards I was struggling to read. Once it does it becomes just a remake of the day before.
Now I see life never paused… I had. I nod my thanks to the candle I saw as a useless companion. How wrong I was…it danced away it’s hours…while I just sat. Back in bed with the candle’s lesson tucked safely in my understanding, I plan to awaken later to a new day, a new play and a new way.